Tuesday, 10 June 2008

The Breakfast Club

I have been invited to join a breakfast club. 

I have absolutely no idea what a breakfast club is, or why someone would want to join me in my pjs at stupid o'clock whilst I bemoan my lack of sleep and the fact that I have burnt my toast again.*
 
I told Stray.

"I have been invited to join a breakfast club" I said. 

"Mmmm" she said.

"What is a breakfast club?" I said.

"It's a club for people who think they are so fucking important that they can't eat a croissant without simultaneously holding a seminar" she said.

"Ah" I said.

"..and only attended by those who are so socially inept that it's the only way they can make relationships with people outside of their own dull-as-fuck profession."

"Accountants?" I said.

"Indeed" she said.

I think thats probably a no then, although the fact that they have invited a psychotherapist intrigues me. I might turn up for just the one. I could analyse their breakfast choices with some over-interpretive pseudo-Freudian nonsense and cheer myself up for at least half an hour.

Organic free trade muesli? Generalised anxiety disorder, probably.

Egg white omelette? Histrionic personality, repressed by an undiagnosed eating disorder.

Pork sausage? Small-penis neurosis, obviously.
 
And if Ally Sheedy and Emilio Estevez are there, I may stay for the long haul. 

* My toast-making skills are legendary. Stray only knows it's morning by the smell of burnt toast drifting up the stairs. The first time I stayed at my best friend's house when I was a wee little 7 yr old, I corrected her mum on her technique. With great sincerity I told her that my mum made toast differently: she cooks it 'til it's black and then scrapes it with a knife over the bin, I informed her. I had no idea why it made her laugh. 

Postscript: On telling Badger:

"Goodness gracious! Isn't that where people have sex in their scuba suits?"

No, I have absolutely no idea either. 


14 comments:

Misssy M said...

Oh I once had to go to a Business Breakfast hosted by the local Chamber of Commerce, as my boss was speaking at it. It was horrible. Very American, I thought. Don't we spend enough of the working day with corporate nobs without them ruining our breakfast as well?

I had coffee and paracetamol: analyse that.

(Is that colon correct? Must check my crib sheet)

Böbø said...

I could be tempted by a breakfast club that was really interested in breakfast ... Muffins with poached eggs, ham, hollandaise sauce, plus juices, pastries, yoghurts, and eat your own weight in coco-pops.

That would seem a good breakfast club.

Breakfast clubs were you're expected to talk about something. Poohy!

And yes, why ask a psycho? Being a therapist isn't exactly a party turn!

Kahless said...

Mmmm.
You may be best to imagine you are in detention with Ally and Emilio.

Caroline said...

"Goodness gracious! Isn't that where people have sex in their scuba suits?"

How do you have sex in a scuba suit? My mind is going to explode!

Breakfast club! Blah!
I hate mornings.

But, if they have membership cards, badges, rulers, Simon Cowell and pens - then it is perhaps worth consdiering?

xx

uphilldowndale said...

I missed my invite to one, I thought they meant 8pm not 8am, if any one used the word 'breakfast' in the invitation I didn't hear it; it was sold to me as a business opportunity but I discovered it was an event that is a cross between the Masons and pyramid selling.... I made a swift exit

That's So Pants said...

Hi Ms M

Breakfast and conversation just don't mix for me.

xxx

Pants

Political Umpire said...

Maybe they just wanted to be friends?

In which case I'd have said yes, provided champagne was involved.

PS question: Mrs Ump has recorded that film and thinks I should watch it - is it worth the hype? I'd personally rather watch Gettysburg and the documentary on Blade Runner she also thoughtfully recorded for me, but life's about give and take I suppose.

Steve said...

Classic Stray answer! It brought a big smile to my face and made me think of the conga.. oh how they should die. =)

Reading the Signs said...

My friend goes to a breakfast club. She's an architect and says it's all about "networking" and getting off with people (at breakfast?) and generally Making Contacts. So obviously they reckon you're Someone.

Miss Tickle said...

I wholeheartedly second Bobo's idea of an actual breakfast club entirely devoted to breakfasty goodness. In fact, I am getting a bit hungry now. I might need some crumpets.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey misssy m, coffee and paracetamol, eh? Doesn't take an alcohol counsellor to work that one out!

Hi there Bobo, I am so with you on this one. If they could cut out the crap and just focus on the actual breakfast, I'd be there faster than a chav on an all-inclusive.

Hey Kahless, good point. In fact, probably won't go but still imagine I am there. How does that sound?

Hey lovely cas, badger maintains that in the film there was some guy trying it on with a girl in a scuba suit......we wonder if she is mistaken, but I reckon we could persuade Pumpy to watch it for us and let us know :)

Hey uhdd, a cross between the Masons and pyramid selling - very funny! I reckon we may have even been invited to the same one as I feel very sure that we live within a few sheep fields of each other.

Hi darling pants, I am so with you. I generally don't start talking til about lunch time. Even if I have morning clients. Lovely to see you back here x

Hi lovely Pumpy, it is most definitely worth the hype. Absolutely. Fantastic film. Now.....could you email back after you have seen it to finally settle whether there is any scuba-suited sex, or whether our little badger is getting confused? You are a very good friend indeed x

Hi there Steve, yes, very classic Stray! Please don't use the 'c' word around here though - just the mere mention of it makes her hide under her jumper.

Hi there lovely sign, getting off with each other at breakfast? Bloody hell, maybe badger is right about the fancy-dress-sex. I'm sure they don't think I'm someone though - they must have heard about my snorkelling gear.

Hi there miss tickle, I couldn't agree more. I shan't make the chav joke again though - think I might have just got away with it with Bobo, but I suspect you are a far more enlightened being. Missed you too by the way - I think we can safely say we are up and blogging again after our little respite.

Political Umpire said...

I know 'safe sex' has been popular since the early 1980s, certainly within the time of the film, but has it really reached the stage where scuba suits (wetsuits where I'm from, with no kinky connotations) are required? At all events my interest has been ignited and I will now watch it, and give detailed reports on any scuba sex therein. I suspect (maybe due to a failure of imagination) that it may be something along the lines a chivalrous sort once said of women preachers: it is not done well, but one is surprised to see it done at all ...

Second thoughts: maybe the couple shares the same (appropriately large) wetsuit?

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey Pumpy, I fear our Badger may be mis-remembering in her Badgerish way. But please do settle it once and for all for us, if you please.

Badger said...

The scuba-suit incident is about 2 thirds of the way through, it involves (if my memory is correct) that Baldwin boy and some blonde girl. Things start to ensue and he says "What's this your scuba suit?" - when he is trying to get in her pants .... (oh god this is NOT badger friendly)... *runs away*

Badger