The chasing sheep family are planning a long walk up a big hill in Scotland. It will involve an overnight camp, which requires us to carry all of our equipment. We are very well equipped, mostly courtesy of our local walking shop who, not surprisingly, rub their hands together whenever we walk in. There is only essential piece of kit that we lack.
Our local walking shop doesn't sell penises. Sadly, neither does the interwebulator although I am heartened to learn that once in possession of one you can get it extended for the bargain price of 99 dollars.
You may wonder why the penis is an essential piece of walking kit? Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't endow you with the ability to read maps, use a compass or navigate your way back in the dark using only testosterone as a homing device. The one major benefit of the humble penis is that it allows you to pee outdoors in a relatively discrete manner, whilst us girls are destined to fumble around in a copse getting nettle stings on our arses and peeing on our boots.
But no longer. Get thee behind me, penis envy, for I have discovered this.
The Shewee technically solves the peeing-outdoor dilemma. I say technically, because you first have to persuade your brain that it is absolutely ok to pee standing up without first removing all of your clothes. And I haven't managed that bit yet. My brain remains convinced that I am about to wet myself, and refuses utterly to relinquish bladder control.
I am practicing.