I have been measured many times in the last decade - I've even had a full body scan by lasers. I have been consistently 1 meter 51.2 cm (about 4'11''). I have a growth hormone deficiency so I've been measured more than your average bear. A lot. Loads.
And then ... today ... I am 1 meter 53 cm ... which is just over 5ft.
I don't know quite what to make of this. I should point out that this is an official measurement by a real nurse on a clever machine, not just Badger with pencil up against a doorframe. Lovely nurse was quite amused at my incredulity and checked it and checked it again. She confirmed that people do not regularly state that it has over-measured them. (She also did my BMI. It was not nearly enough. Please send chocolate, egg shaped or otherwise.)
Bizarrely, my dad confirmed that I appeared taller when we met up a few weeks ago. Even weirder, I actually feel taller. Just a little.
This is very strange.
Very strange indeed.
There are only two possible explanations.
My head says: I am now living at an average of 250m above sea level. I am further from the center of mass of the earth and closer to the moon. The gravitational forces acting on my body have caused me to become stretched.
My heart says: Kissing Ms Melancholy can make you taller.
18 comments:
OMG! If kissing gorgeous women can make you put on a sudden growth spurt, I'd better get myself checked out PDQ!
I think I need to borrow Badger, your door frame, and a chair!
Mazel tov! Who should I kiss to become slimmer?
Wow... I'm not sure whether I should congratulate you, offer you oxygen to cope with the thinner air, or commiserate your impending rocketing expenditure on clothes on which VAT is payable...?
May I offer a third hypothesis?
I believe the
bonsai effect may finally be wearing off. Them hills (and possibly the having to stretch a bit to be able to reach the veritable mountain which is Ms M) are doing you good...
One of the tribes I was living with in Tanzania were, to put it bluntly, a bit on the short side, and my height was much discussed, as was my atheism. One engineer volunteered that perhaps God had made me so tall to make it easier for me to find him...
Oh, and as a P.S. I did notice your very sneaky method of reminding everyone it's your birthday next week...
As someone who is 5 foot 2, I can relate to your happiness at suddenly being taller.
Oh, and I reckon it's the kisses.
Ohhhh yes ... so it's your birthday next week. Sneaky.
Perhaps I'll get you a 36cm box and you can admire the world from a Bobo altitude.
If we put some serious effort in, we could have you modelling by the summer :)
Bobo - it's a very good point. I only hope you don't have too many long-haul economy flights planned for the future ...
Ms Signs - well, I do seem to have become slimmer as well, but I'm sure that's just a by product of the going-up effect. We have a large number of frogs available at the moment, let us know if you're into fairytales?
But Why? - Rest assured that I am still nowhere near actual-person sized. VAT on clothing is still some way off ...
I believe you may be on to something about the bonsai effect. Having moved to yorkshire ... there is so much space it seems rude not to spread out, and up, just a little.
Thanks for noticing the birthday reminder :) I am getting a bicycle. I feel about 10 !
charlotte - 5 foot 2! A giant no less!
bobo ... again. God, I don't think I could possibly handle being any bigger than this. Please do not get me a 36cm box for my birthday. Thanks.
Ms M - aw! Are you getting taller toooo?
Oh I want to be an inch taller- when you find out what caused it, let us all know. I'll do it! Although Ms M might object if your first theory turns out to be true.
Ah bless! You'll always be a midget in my eyes though ;)
Kissing miracles is such a marvellous label.
"kissing Ms Melancholy makes you taller"
Is there a queue? Can I join it?
;-)
My turn! I need magic kisses!!
I want taller toooooo
xxx
Out of interest, does the opposite effect occur? i.e., if I don't kiss Ms M, will I shrink?
On another point, if kissing Ms M makes one taller, perhaps you could hire her out to basketball clubs, rowers, volleyball types, kids too short to go on the theme park rides, etc...?
Is it your birthday today Stray? I want to send cards and chocolate :)
Misssy M - there's a queue. But, as a short term solution I suggest you drag the flying martinis down to Yorkshire where the hills are slightly less big than in your homeland ...
Steve - and you'll always be a gayboy in mine :)
Miss Tickle - when I die, I want my blog tags carved on to my gravestone ...
Trousers - you're in the queue. Do you think we need numbered tickets?
PSB - you certainly do. Magic broken-ankle-fixing kisses.
Dr Why? I noticed no shrinking today, but there's always time. Trust you to think of a potentially successful business venture ...
Further research findings from the chasing sheep household:
1) I have got older than I was before I started kissing Ms Melancholy. Thus, kissing Ms Melancholy can make you older.
2) My spelling has got worse. We have also taken receipt of a new fridge. I think the electromagnetism is giving me dyslexia.
3) Badger's nose is cold. Dr But Why? visited today, at approximately the same time that the coldness set in, so clearly Dr Buy Why? is carrying some sort of cold-nose-inducing virus.
All this and more scientifically proven nonsense coming soon ...
Awwww...Sweet! I think you should listen to you heart!...Yeah, that's the reason...
I progressed from five feet zip to my now lofty height of five feet one and three quarter inches. . . (drumroll) In College! Rather late (for a woman) to be growing, but there you go. Wait. Come to think of it, it could be related to kissing pretty girls.
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