Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
Monday, 28 January 2008
- Filing my tax return
- Paying my tax bill
- Finding six years of bank statements that appear to have been sucked through the rip in the space-time vortex that appears each time you move house
- Ruby chasing sheep
- My pension, or indeed lack of it. (There was no particular reason to worry about that today, but it always pops up on my random list of worries when worrying is on my mind)
- Filing my tax return
- Paying my tax bill (did I say that bit already?)
- Amy Winehouse (somebody has to, alright?)
- Whether James Blunt can pull off that difficult second album (joke, you hear me)
- What else has disappeared into the rip in the space-time vortex, and whether or not I will need it urgently
- Paying my tax bill
- The rogue US spy satellite crashing down on my head. But apparently I should have been.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
We could live with Roo’s particular peccadillo if it involved compulsively tidying away her bones or obsessively washing her paws after a muddy walk. We might even learn to live with her switching off all of the electrical appliances in the house before retiring to her basket. Unfortunately she is yet to learn any of these skills. Little Roo’s particular obsession is for sheep and so, having brought her to live in a village where sheep outnumber humans by at least ten to one, Ruby thinks that all her doggy Christmases have come at once. Ruby likes to chase the sheep. The local farmers do not want Ruby to chase the sheep. This presents us with a problem.
‘Siamese cat’ is just one of Ophelia’s multiple identities. Ophelia is actually a wallaby (please note the above evidence.) It is a well-known fact that wallabies are mentally unstable, and Ophelia – or ‘wallaby-cat’ – is no exception. Wallaby-cat doesn’t just have an identity disorder, she has a fully blown Borderline Personality Disorder.
Wallaby-cat loves, loves, lurves you…..you really are her bestest friend in the whole world…..no-one has ever understood her like you do…..where have you been all her life?....you make her feel loved like never before. Until that fateful moment when you just fail to meet her needs by a whisker (forgive the pun) and she hates you with a passion that can only be expressed by biting very hard on exposed flesh. Wallaby-cat believes that the sole purpose of your existence is to minister to her every need. As bus-driver’s holidays go, this is much less pleasurable than chasing sheep.
When I asked Badger if she thought that Frank, her ginger tom, had any neurotic disorders she thought very long and hard before answering ‘he’s a boy’. Whilst it’s true that Frank’s boyness is his defining characteristic – he manages a delicate balance of testosterone fuelled hunting trips for local vermin with lounging passively in Badger’s arms – as far as I am aware ‘masculinity’ has yet to be classified as a psychiatric disorder. Please do correct me if I am wrong.
Stray is currently writing a book that meanders through anthropology, psychology and evolutionary biology before stumbling headlong into the arena of global warming. She is trying to persuade her co-author that Chasing Sheep is a catchy and appropriate title.
Let’s face it, don’t we all just try very hard not to chase the sheep?
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Monday, 21 January 2008
Ms M though, does, (possibly) needs her ears syringing, as I seem to recall the last time she went to have this done she did in fact pass out.. it could on the other hand be said I need my own ears clearing as I have the amazing ability to "suck my ears in" which no one else I am yet to encounter understands. It comes from when I "tic" so loudly that my own body seemingly protects itself by briefly closing my inner ears. If anyone else has this ability I would love to know I am not alone. I can also do it on command, like at a particularly loud concert.
So generally our conversations go something along the lines of...
Ms M .... "Gosh, its windy out!"
Badger .... "No its not its Thursday"
Ms M .... "yes, I am thirsty too, cup of tea?"
And what is even more surprising after a conversation such as this one is that often when Ms offers to make Tea, a full blown dinner arrives! who would have thought! All I was expecting was a brew. Darn southerner that I am. Tea is a drink... surely?
Only today did I catch Ms M whipping out the iron and a pair of trousers, upon asking what on earth she was doing I was told "Ironing up the trousers to web them" i assumed she meant she was going to sell them on ebay. She wasnt she was "taking them up with wonder web".... of course.
We're not sure either, but we thought we'd blog it anyway.
Daily Straying just didn't feel right anymore, now that I've put down some roots and feel so utterly at home. Ms Melancholy has clearly just about confessed as much as a psychotherapist decently could and whilst Badger's just as badgery as ever, she's decided to Badger This as well as That ... and so a new place for our ramblings and shenanigans together in our slightly unusual family has been born.